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CheatNeutral

Thanks to SchNews for flagging up this wonderful spoof of the Carbon Offsetting industry.

Are you a female stud or a male slag, spreading your love around a little too freely, and behind backs? How about the convenience of paying a one-off fee to expunge the guilt of your dodgy liaisons? Launched on Valentine’s day, a new website is offering the public a chance to offset their infidelity by funding one of CheatNeutral’s certified ‘monogamy-boosting’ offset projects, funding people to stay loyal and faithful. Naturally, they urge customers to first measure and reduce their unfaithfulness as much as possible, but by offering people the ability to offset the remaining ‘unavoidable’ cheating, they claim to be “saving relationships, making people feel better about themselves, and providing practical, achievable ways to reduce global levels of heartbreak.”

If you’re wondering what the cuckold this crazy-sounding scheme is all about, the site’s designers point to the logic of Carbon Offsetting schemes in explanation: “It’s a joke – about paying for the right to carry on cheating. Carbon offsetting is also a joke – about paying for the right to carry on emitting carbon. What we need to be doing is reducing our emissions. Offsetting stops us thinking about how to do that.” The site may not help a vast new army of slutty anti-offsetters into action as much as amuse them, but so far over 65,000 people have done their bit (having had their bit) and offset in a bid to save the world’s love-o-sphere.